the need to feel in control

Mostly we humans like to feel in control of our lives. When we do not feel in control we somehow become fearful, anxious. You might notice it in everyday life, in simple situations. Perhaps you are in a car being driven by someone else and they are driving a little bit fast. You are not in control of the situation and you begin to feel in danger, ill at ease.

This need to feel in control relates to the things I have talked about in the last couple of episodes: our reluctance to face insecurity. When we are not feeling in control we are often feeling insecure. And of course our lack of trust: If we really trusted life then there is no need to be in control. But we don’t have that trust, so we try to make our life secure and predictable by remaining in control.

But this need to be in control is a great disaster because the feeling of being in control is actually an illusion, and so we are once more avoiding reality with a comfortable illusion, the illusion of being in control. And it is easy to see that you are not really in control of your life. Just think of some small incidents where things have not gone as you would have liked them to. Perhaps you missed the bus, or your car broke down, or the weather was bad on the day you had planned a picnic. In a thousand and one ways every day it is clear that we are not in control, but we like the illusion so much that we ignore this simple evidence and pretend to ourself that we are in control. It gives us a feeling of security, a comfortable feeling. But it is an illusion and like all illusions we need to let it go if we are to become enlightened. We need to admit that we are not in control, and we need to let go of the need to feel in control.